When we first found out that we were expecting, we where so happy, who will he look like, will it be a boy or a girl. My daughter and I both wanted a little girl, while my husband was praying for a little boy, he could play ball with and this was going to be his super sportsman.
  
My daughter was so exited to finally have a brother or a sister, she was 8 years old.  She took every sonogram and pasted them onto her school books and showed everyone. 

Here I was starting my 8th week of my pregnacy, when I stood up to go answer my front door, and all of a sudden I started to bleed but it extremely heavy.  I was frightened.  My husband was about 45 minutes from home, I called my twin sister and mother.  They rushed me to the doctors who listened for a heartbeat and well and behold, they were able to hear his heartbeat (not the norm for an 8 week gestation).  All was well my baby will be ok.  I went to the doctors 2 to 3 times a week.  He put me on bed rest.  I did everything I was suppose to do.  As long as I laid down the bleeding slowed down.  

The bleeding continued for three more weeks but very very heavy.  My sonograms showed my babies heartbeat was good, they thought that he was a twin and the other baby died.  Well, we still had alot on plans, hopes and dreams for the one baby we believed was ok.




I continued to go to the doctors the bleeding did not stop but everything looked good.  My mother suggested maybe go and see another doctor.  So I went to her doctor.  It was my daughters 9th birthday.  Her doctor scheduled a sonogram in his office.  I was so happy to take the sonogram picture to my daughter for her birthday.  I was home for about 5 minutes when my phone rang and it was the doctor to tell me that there was something wrong with the baby.  

He sent me to a specialist, and to another hospital. (the bleeding continued I am now 18 weeks pregnant and have been bleeding very bad for now 10 weeks).  He order a home nurse as well to to give me IV's.  When I went to the hospital they told me my baby had died.  I was sent back to another hospital to induce labor and to do a blood transfusion.  I have lost so much blood at this point it was dangerous for me.   I went into the hospital around 4:00 p.m. by the next morning thing went really wrong.  I started to feel very sleepy and very warm.  I told my husband that there was blood all the way up my back.  My mother ran to the nurses station and they paged the doctor.  Who ran me to the operating room to do a D & E.  They tell me once I went into the operating room that they revived me 3 times that I had died as well as putting a tube in my neck to get the blood into me faster.  

My doctor was so nervous that he sleeped at the hospital that night with me.  

We found out after the testing on my baby that it was indeed a little boy and that what I had was a partial hydatofold mole (which is a baby and a tumor).  He also had tripoldi sydrome (which is 69 chromosomes).  


We named our son Michael Joseph.  I will always love and miss him. He was such an active baby, who would have thought that something was wrong with him.  All our hopes and dreams will now remain in our hearts forever.  He will always be our angel.


My daughter went through such a hard time after she found out that the baby had died.  She started to fight with people and was very angry as was my husband and myself.  The pain of losing our son just seem to be unbearable.  No one wanted to talk about him, as if his name was never mentioned, we would forget about him.  When you lose a child due to a miscarriage, it is still you hopes, your dreams, your love for your child growing and moving inside of you, hearing his heart beat, seeing his profile on the sonograms.  Even though I was never able to hold him, I loved him.  It was a pain that I do not think I could ever explain.  The void, the lose, I do not think I ever cried as much as I did.  So I had to stay strong for my daughter, I would hide in the bathroom when the pain was that bad.  That is when I realized that we needed to do something special for our little angel Michael.  Because of what had happened to me, we were not able to hold him nor to bury him.  We purchased a plaque with his name and date on it.  We made a special place in our yard where we placed his plaque with solar lights and a solar angel, this was our place that we had to go to for our little angel Michael.  My daughter and I purchase something for holidays to decorate it for him.

Approxiamately 10 months later, we found out we where expecting again, only to lose that baby at 8 weeks gestation.  We lost 4 more babies after that between 8 week to 10 weeks gestation. We where beside ourselves.


Two years later we gave birth to a beautiful and healthy little boy.  John Richard (named after my father-in-law and my father) who was born January 6, 2004.  The pain and lose of Michael will never go away.  People think because I had another child it would almost replace my lose, but it doesn't.  I made a promise to my daughter and myself that John will grow up know how special his brother was and how much he means to our family.